This year Tamara at Part-time Working Hockey Mom has asked us to list the top ten things a Mom and / or significant other wants on the other 364 days of the year that make their life easier, so I've decided to give a list of things not to say to someone who doesn't have children. These are all things that have been said to me and they're in no particular order but have varying degrees of hurt depending on my defences on the day. A lot of these are assumptions that people make, and others are just ridiculous.
1. Do you ever regret pursuing your career instead of having children? (I don't have a career, I'm a nurse and that's what I've always been).
2. It must be so nice not to have to arrange babysitters whenever the two of you want to go out for a meal.
3. As you don't have children you won't mind working Christmas this year so that the staff with children can be off on the day. (This is fine, but after several years it gets a bit annoying).
4. What made you decide not to have children?
5. Do you not like children? (This one makes me a bit worried that I'm giving of antichild vibes - I love children and adore my nieces, nephews, godchildren, and friends kidlets).
6. Don't you worry about not having anyone to look after you in your old age? (Yes, but that's more about the government not providing enough funding to the health service for elderly care).
7. You don't know what tired is until you've had children. (Really, I didn't know there was a competition about this).
8. Do you have pets to compensate for not having children?
9. You wouldn't understand, you don't have children. (so insensitive).
10. I understand exactly how you feel, we'd always wanted more children but could only have two. (I have no words for this one, it's just wrong).
I guess what I'm saying is if you have friends that don't have children, don't ever assume you know why that's the case, and please don't ever make her feel like she is less of a person because of this. When you're together, it's okay to talk about your children but make sure there are other topics as well, something that you both understand.
We hope all the mums out there have a wonderful mothers day and get pampered more often throughout the year.
Until next time, be kind to others and be kind to yourself.
Pamela & Ken
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1. Do you ever regret pursuing your career instead of having children? (I don't have a career, I'm a nurse and that's what I've always been).
2. It must be so nice not to have to arrange babysitters whenever the two of you want to go out for a meal.
3. As you don't have children you won't mind working Christmas this year so that the staff with children can be off on the day. (This is fine, but after several years it gets a bit annoying).
4. What made you decide not to have children?
5. Do you not like children? (This one makes me a bit worried that I'm giving of antichild vibes - I love children and adore my nieces, nephews, godchildren, and friends kidlets).
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| Me with my friend Karen's little girl Claire - 2004 |
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| Ken with Karen's son Shaun - 2004 |
7. You don't know what tired is until you've had children. (Really, I didn't know there was a competition about this).
8. Do you have pets to compensate for not having children?
10. I understand exactly how you feel, we'd always wanted more children but could only have two. (I have no words for this one, it's just wrong).
I guess what I'm saying is if you have friends that don't have children, don't ever assume you know why that's the case, and please don't ever make her feel like she is less of a person because of this. When you're together, it's okay to talk about your children but make sure there are other topics as well, something that you both understand.
We hope all the mums out there have a wonderful mothers day and get pampered more often throughout the year.
Until next time, be kind to others and be kind to yourself.
Pamela & Ken
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Sorry you have to hear some of that crap, Pamela.
ReplyDeleteThere is an opposite list, too: Things that childless people say to us parents that annoy us.
And then there is the endless battle of stay-at-home-moms vs working moms.
Fact is that nobody knows what it is like to walk in the other ones shoes, and we should just appreciate and respect each other.
Happy Mother's Day! 💖
Children can be expensive too. I'll bet you have a lot more money. I call kids 'money pits'. I've first hand knowledge.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ♥
Sadly true! I could add so many more unsolicited and insensitive comments that I've heard over the years ; including that I can still adopt if I can't have children of my own!!! What annoys me most is the assumption that I have so much more time on my hands than people who have children, the implication being that as a woman, I don't have any interests or a life unless I'm defined by children.We need to respect and support our choices and individual circumstances as woman.That really is the only answer.
ReplyDeleteSophie and the critters in the cottage xo
Excellent post. I understand your frustrations. I would rather be mom to fur kids though any day :) XO
ReplyDeletePeople ask all sorts of questions they shouldn't. I did not get pregnant until I was 30 and was asked what took so long. Once I got divorced I was asked when I plan to remarry. Now folks ask me about what my boys are doing and how often I talk to them. I just want to tell them it is none of their business.
ReplyDelete